I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
