At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
