I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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