we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Pants are for mortals
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
