i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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