Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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