I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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