I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She even gives head with a lisp.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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