Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
