ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
