don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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