yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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