i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
