I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
