I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
