sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We need to rekindle our bromance
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
