U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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