Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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