First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
