and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
