You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
