thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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