Will you blow on my dice?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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