12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
