Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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