and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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