That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
