I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
