i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
