We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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