can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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