Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
