the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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