8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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