yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
