Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I party with great urgency now.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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