She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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