return my video game
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
