So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
