I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
