Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
