I wish life had little blips of pornography
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
