decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
