I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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