Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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