If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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