So drunk its hurt
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
