he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
