our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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