I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
